the Bad,

I slept OK last night which is a miracle because I don't sleep well on bad news. Except that every time Gideon fussed and needed soothing or woke and needed to be fed I kept thinking "In a few weeks I'll be doing this alone." and the word "alone" kept echoing on and on like a bad movie sound bit. Alone alone alone alone... My emotions are still pretty on the surface (and I'm sure Rob's are too). The kids were kind of testing me this morning and that did not lend me any hope at all that I'm capable of doing this by myself for a year or more (I keep praying all day long that either a) it's a mistake and he doesn't have to leave or b) that it will be short - like a few months or something). So I kept nearly crying then. But then the kids would do something adorable or sweet and I'd nearly cry then too. It will be hard that Rob will be gone for the not so good times but it won't be easy that he'll miss the good times too. He will miss just about every "first" for Gideon's first year. Every holiday, sitting up, crawling, standing, walking, birthday. All the kids will have a birthday before he returns. Gabe will be entering Kindergarten. Unless my prayers are answered to the effect of choice A or B. That would be more than awesome.