Thursday, June 26, 2008
Yesterday I struggled. I did not sleep well the night before. Gideon suddenly turned into the kind of baby that won't let you put them down and won't sleep unless being held. Anytime I tried he would scream like someone was jabbing him with pins. Zion did this for about the first six months of life so Gideon doing this filled me with a sense of dread. Zion thought it would be a good day to practice Extreme Tantrum: Home Version. She had massive fits about everything! She also much enjoyed torturing Gabe regarding his trains so he was driven to tears and fits as well. By the time it was time to make lunch I couldn't hold back the floodgates anymore. I sat on the couch and bawled. I fixed lunch and bawled. I patted the baby and bawled. I told Zion to go play and - you guessed it, bawled. For the first time since we received the call that Rob was being mobilized I felt like I would not be able to handle his being gone. I felt like not having him come home at the end of the day was the end of the World. Even now thinking about it and I can feel tears coming to my eyes. I ended up putting Zion down before she even finished her lunch. Obviously she needed the sleep (wish I could take a nap). Gideon rested even if it had to be in my arms, at least he wasn't screaming. And after my tears had mostly dried I saw Gabe slip out the back door. I thought to myself that it was odd because he always asks to go outside and play. A minute or two later he appeared with a fistful of my mini-roses and told me he had picked them to make me feel better. Little does he know that when you pick a mommy a flower, she'll ask you for a Kleenex because it is most assuredly going to make her cry. Somehow I managed to hug him and thank him without losing it because I knew that he would think that I was sad again and not happy. Today I received a reminder via another mom's blog to go to The Word. Yesterday I prayed through tears but I didn't pick up my Bible even though it was only about two feet away. Big mistake. I should know better. Today, if it happens again I'll do better. Nothing like The Psalms to remind you that you're not alone and that God does not get deployed. He can't physically help bathe the kids when I'm exhausted yet He does not leave me to fend for myself.