The ride

Life is such a roller coaster ride, sometimes up and sometimes down and sometimes up and down and up and down and up and down all at the same time.  It can be overwhelming.  A bit of our ride lately:

- last week the family got to go away on vacation, that should be so very fun and relaxing!

- a couple of days into it we got a call from the house sitter that our big dog had attacked one of our kittens.  Spent half the day back and forth with the vet on the phone.  It was bad.  On top of visible injuries it turned out the poor thing had a broken neck.  I felt terribly guilty for not preventing this as Towzer had been getting a bit grumpy lately due to his arthritis.  Now, however many days later, I still flip flop between guilt for not preventing it and giving myself grace because how could I have really known?  I don’t know but needless to say it really put a damper on our vacation.  Before we left we prayed for God to protect our critters like we always do and I’m not sure why the answer to this prayer was “No.” except that perhaps now we can prevent injury to one of the kids.  If Towzer, who has always been sweet and playful with cats, can do something so sudden and violent with one I doubt he would show restraint with the kids either.  Thank God our kids are safe.

- this is the third vacation out of the last four where one of our kitties has died unexpectedly.  It’s hard not to feel a bit attacked and vulnerable.

- considering what happened to the kitty we definitely cannot trust Towzer any longer and after consulting a behavior specialist (who we had actually had an appointment with on Sept. 5) we have decided to put him down on Monday.

- also right at the start of our vacation we found out we got an offer on the other house.  Should be good news and it is except that meant we were receiving calls and e-mails from our agent and her assistant for days and having to make big decisions and do paperwork. 

- right before vacation Rob got a new job offer.  The official, in writing offer came in at the beginning of the week while we were gone.  We had until Friday to decide whether to take it.

Rob and I have agreed that, while we still managed to DO a lot of fun things with the kids (who are holding up surprisingly well regarding the cat and dog) mentally and emotionally we were put through the ringer.  We need a do-over.

In just a few days’ time we had to decide to euthanize two of our pets, to accept or decline an offer for our house that was considerably lower than the listing price and to accept or decline a new job.  And weren’t we supposed to be vacating our every day lives?

My heart is so bruised and battered right now.  For the kids losing their pets, for me losing my pets, for the pets losing their best friends (which I know sounds so silly to some but Blue was one of a brother/sister pair that we had adopted and the two were inseparable and Towzer was Rosie’s best friend too).

We did decide to accept the offer on the house even and Rob did decide to accept the job.

I tried to focus on the positive all week while secretly I was practically sick with dread over having to come home.  Every day I prayed for God to give us peace and it was very tangible when we came home today to two less pets than when we left.  We still need to get through Monday (Towzer has been boarding at the vet since the incident happened, I didn’t want the house sitter to be at risk either) but I have hope for continuing peace and that is so big if you have ever experienced that, you know.

And can I also say that I’m so emotionally conflicted, like every year, that school is starting soon.  Summer was so fleeting and I LOVE having my kiddos home with no schedule, nothing pressing but a few chores and a lot of fun.  But we moved this summer and we STILL aren’t fully unpacked so there was less fun than I wanted.  Did I mention that I LOVE having my kids home?!  I’m so not one of those moms who counts the hours and minutes from the end of one school year to the start of the next.  If I wasn’t so distractible and a lousy planner and a total procrastinator I’d home school.  LOL

I’ve got one going full time, one going full days half the school week and one going for half days a few days a week.  There will actually be hours of the day where I only have one kid.  *sniff*

I will not look forward, I will not look back, I will look UP.